A Year Without You.

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A year ago today I lost my hero. 

My grandad was my favourite person. He had such a selfless, loving, kind heart. He never raised his voice, he'd go out of his way to help others and would stop at nothing to bring happiness to mine and my families lives. His kindness wasn't cause for him to be a push over though, he was the most stubborn strong headed man I know, and would always stand up for good cause. I admire and miss him so much. There's a void in my life which will never be filled.

When I was little he'd come on holiday with all of us and a holiday without him just was never the same. He'd build millions of sandcastles for me because I liked running through them and kicking them over.He never complained once at my weird little obsession, and was the only person to perfect tea and marmite toast just how I liked it.  He would always give me and my brother a bag of coins each christmas from the year which had just passed to show in his every day life, that he had always been thinking about us as he'd saved them from day-to-day. Even thinking about that now makes me well up.

It breaks my heart my Grandad was far too ill to realise I graduated, that he never got to give my my graduation present himself. He'll never know I got engaged. He will never know I passed my driving test. His gummy smile won't greet me on my wedding morning. When I have kids, they'll only know him from the wonderful stories of his life retold by those he left behind and they will never have the chance to make their own. My grandad was proof that there are some things money cannot by in this life; the love and memories you leave behind are priceless.

Words cannot describe just how much I miss my grandad and how much it truly breaks my heart that he suffered. Grief is such a consuming, awful thing. It can ease and things almost seem normal, but when it hits again, it numbs and debilitates you. Life without my grandad will never be the same, the last year were 365 long days of learning to live without him. One thing is for sure though, there will never be a day where I don't miss or think about him...

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